Hey everyone, I hope you had a good weekend!
As I was sitting down to write today’s post, my brain kept drawing a blank as to what I should write about. So, I looked to the past (which I have a tendency to do when I’m stuck 🤣) and found something I wrote right after graduating from college.
So, without further ado, here is me, being lost at 21 years old.
December 21, 2015:
The time has finally come: I graduated college, and I’m officially not an employee at the CU bookstore anymore.
I’m doing nothing.
Well, that’s not true, I’m still job hunting/figuring out… now what?
It’s strange, this sense of freedom. I can essentially do whatever I want now. Yet, it’s extremely terrifying, especially since at this point, I have nothing to do. I could sit around and do nothing all day if I want. I know that’s not what I want to do though, in fact, that’s what’s actually scaring me.
What if I can’t find anything to do?
What if I waste away the days of my youth, and when I look back, all I do is regret?
What if I’m never happy?
What if, no matter what I do with my life, I always have that hollow feeling inside that can never be filled?
All anyone ever wants to do is be happy, and I’m no exception. What differs between us all is what exactly makes us happy, and the path we want to take to achieve happiness. Some of us are happy by having a stable job that can provide for us. Some of us are happy taking risks and not ever being sure what will come next.
We all have an idea about what would make us happy, yet not everyone had figured out exactly what leads us to true happiness.
And that’s okay.
Life is all about finding what makes us happy, and no one way will make us all happy. Happiness isn’t a “one size fits all” affair.
One example that comes to mind is religion. We all have our own ideas and beliefs about God and spirituality, but that doesn’t mean that any of us are right. We could all belying to ourselves and trying to convince other that we know what happens what happens after you dies and that we have this whole spiritual concept figured out.
But we don’t, no one actually knows, except for those dead folks, who can’t really tell us anyways.
This same thing can be applied to happiness. We have all sorts of people telling us how to be truly be happy, whether it’s documentaries, motivational speakers, even your own friends and family.
Yet, what if we are all lying to ourselves?
What if out concept of true happiness, isn’t actually true happiness?
What if we’re all lying to ourselves and saying that we are truly happy, but in reality, we aren’t as happy as we could be?
What if we lie to ourselves without even realizing it, and the reason we lie is because we’re ignorant of what happiness truly is?
Then comes the ultimate question:
“What really is happiness?”
And as a follow-up to that, how will we know that we are truly happy?
That’s what I’m constantly struggling with, this idea of true happiness. Sometimes I feel that I do what I do to prove some point, whether it’s to myself or to others, but that’s not what I want to do with my life. All I want to do is be happy.
That’s it, ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY.
And who doesn’t?
I hope you enjoyed reading, even if it got to be dramatic at some points, because sometimes the fun part of writing is being able to be overly dramatic without having people judge you to your face 🤣 And I liked to ramble… and kind of repeat myself at some points 🤣
I guess that’s what happens when you read over something you wrote a few years ago… since you aren’t reading it right in the moment, it’s easier to take a step back and see it’s flaws.
Anyways, thank you for reading, and I will see you all on Friday with a new post!
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